It Has a Disproportionate Influence on Other Smells
Girl: Can you press 8, please? The guy does so. The doors open to let him off on the 3rd floor, and the scent of hannukah latkes fills the elevator. Girl: Smells like Judaism here. –Elevator, Columbus...
View ArticleWhy Is This Beer Different From All Other Beers?
Tall guy to short guy: You gotta have a beer.Short guy: Why do I have to have a beer if I am a rabbi? –Grand & Broadway
View ArticleAn Omniscient God Doesn’t Need Functionaries
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Is Jesus a saint?Male Christian friend: He’s Jesus. He’s, like, the president of the saints.21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Then who’s the treasurer?Female Christian friend:...
View ArticleUm, Guys, That’s a Stoner in a Bathrobe
Orthodox man #1, seeing man walk by dressed as Jesus: Jesus! [He and his posse begin to chase Jesus.]Orthodox man #2: You are not the son of God! –Washington Square Park
View ArticleI Guess Today They’re Riding
Old black lady: Oh lord, Satan’s children are walking the streets Goth kid: Shut the fuck up, Rosa Parks. Go sit in the back of the fucking bus! –M86 bus Overheard by: Metal Martyr
View ArticleMuslims and Jews: Why Do We Fight?
Old lady #1: Hmmm, it’s sort of weird you don’t see a lot of Muslims decorating for Christmas, right?Old lady #2: Yeah, I think it’s because a lot of them don’t live in the country. –6 train Overheard...
View ArticleIn Wednesday One-Liners We Trust
Hipster chick: Popping a blister is like smacking god in the face! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Alice Homeless man on train begging for money by telling jokes: A black man and a...
View ArticleSinging “You Catholic Girls Start Much Too Late”?
Jersey teen on class trip: I wonder if they've got Billy Joel here.Friend: Dude, isn't he some preacher in Texas? –Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame Annex, Mercer St Overheard by: stillrockn'rolltome
View ArticleNos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners
Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to...
View ArticleReaders: Answer This Overheard Question
Little Asian girl: Mommy, are you Jewish? –86th & Broadway
View ArticleWednesday One-liners Are Pastafarians
Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to...
View ArticleFaith Isn’t Quite Brain Surgery
Guy: How can you believe in God? You’ve never seen him. Girl: Well, I believe you have a brain though I’ve never seen it! –F train
View ArticleSon Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man
Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus! –Broadway & Prince Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together? –Fordham Plaza Very...
View ArticleNo, That’s Just Where They Spend Their Saturdays
Chick: If we ever do go to Vegas, we have to see a brothel!Queer: Isn’t that where monks live? –Rubin Hall elevator, NYU
View ArticleBeggars Can Be Choosers
Chick: Are you hungry? I have some leftover vietnamese food you can have. Hobo: Well, what is it? I’m religious. I don’t eat pork. Chick: There’s no pork. It’s just vegetarian noodles. Hobo: Noodles?...
View ArticleHave a Happy Kwanzaakkah!
Waiter: Hey, wassup? I’m Sean. What’s your name? Girl: Rebecca. Nice to meet you. Waiter: And you, man? Guy: Kwanzaa. Waiter: Hey, by any change you are mixed with Jewish? Guy: Er, no, everything but....
View ArticleYeah, I Was a Bride Of Christ, But He Wouldn’t Do Anal
Woman #1: Ever since she left the church, there’s a big hole in her life.Woman #2: Which she fills with cock. –MoMA Overheard by: Luc
View ArticleJust More Understandable
Chick #1: And there was my friend who was assaulted at Temple–did I tell you about that?Chick #2, horrified: She was assaulted at *temple*?Chick #1: Oh, Temple University.Chick #2: Ohhh.Chick #1: Uh,...
View ArticleDo You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?
Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away...
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Lady on cell: You tell my momma to...
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